It's true. I DO love Fishes because they ARE so delicious. There is something about that crispy, pseudo cheddar crunch that is amazing. Maybe it is because it is a staple from my childhood; that I have some unknown dependency on it - it was always there when I needed it, never let me down, never stood me up. Or maybe it is because they are simply delicious. And easy.
My kids love goldfish too. And lots of other snacks that, thankfully, I love too. We have a snack in the early afternoon usually. The kids get to pick and then we all sit around enjoying each other shove food in our mouths. It's a special time where we bond, catch up on the day, plan the rest of the day, and share. Because what better time to teach your kid how to share than when you're jonesing for a handful of their precious snack? Teaching/Learning at its best.
Let's face it, I don't lose weight like I used to. Dad Bod might be here to stay. Which, isn't bad. Some folks love the squishiness of a human teddy bear. I attribute some of my curves to the kids snack time menu. I attribute others to the utter lack of self control around oreos.
It starts small at first. A simple pinch between finger and thumb, you score a couple fish from the bowl and deliver them to the homeland with neither child ever the more aware (you have the benefit of Paw Patrol of some other God-Awful show being on to create a diversion). The rush. That Crunch! The residual on your tongue- a dance of cheddar in all its baked glory coating your mouth, into your tummy and straight to the cranium! Memories come flooding in- me, as a wee lad pounding some goldfish while crushing my world domination with Legos (that's a registered trademark). Happiness comes inching in replacing the afternoon of fits, crocodile tears and meltdowns.
You swallow. And then, just like that, it's gone. Yanked away. But it's too late. By now, I'm hooked on the good feeling it provides. I need more. So like a junkie needing a fix I go into full on ninja mode to acquire more. As a result I've developed a movement repertoire that is outstanding- 'The Drive By', 'The Speed Racer', 'The Annexation of Puerto Rico' are all patented moves I've taught myself to get the goods from my kids, undetected.
Do I feel bad? No. After the meltdown my darling children just had over not getting a stupid 1$ slinky, NO I DO NOT.
As way lead on to way, however, we eventually all get caught. "Dad, what are you doing? That is MY snack."
" Is it?! I thought it was mine."
"No dad, it isn't. It is mine."
"Sorry buddy, lets just share. It's nice to share."
"Ok Dad. You can have ONE."
And just like that, meltdown dodged. Life lessons and agreements were made. I may have gotten caught, but it has worked in my favor. Part of me wonders if in some small way, I am addicted to the risk of it all, that, if caught, a meltdown would ensue. Am I addicted to danger too?
The real irony of the situation is when it works in reverse. My special snack (lets say, a doughnut). I open it in the bedroom to avoid alerting the little ones to it's presence in the house. Casually, I meander back to the kitchen to monitor the situation (because let's face it, we can't leave these kids alone-they aren't puppies). But, just like bloodhounds they find the scent. And before you know it, I have two new shoe accessories begging for a treat.
"Please dad can we have a doughnut."
"No. You just brushed your teeth."
"But Dad, It's nice to share." - And just like that, my children have used my tool against me. Powerless, we enjoy the rest of my doughnut together. And then we brush our teeth.
My favorite Children's Snacks in no particular order:
-White Cheddar popcorn
-Any form of chocolate chip cookies. (Especially those tiny bite sized ones from Trader Joes. Good Lawd!)