Happy Father's Day!
To all you Dads out there, keep on keeping on- you deserve recognition for your timely, lackluster, and poor taste in jokes as well as all that the internet doesn't celebrate about you!
Yes, the internet views Dads as this likable but bumbling character doing his best to raise great kids but ultimately overshadowed by the matriarch of the family, THE MOM. We are useful, handy, and downright annoyingly needy on top of the kids, but we manage to win the hearts of our young lady every time through sheer determination, charisma, geekiness, and likely pity.
Dads, we are the XFactor that holds the family together. Ultra strong, water resistant and more than likely permanent, we also spread this Xfactor excessively thick and the majority of it ends up foaming out the cracks creating gooey off-yellow clumps for everyone to see. No, we aren't perfect, but we sure as hell aren't going anywhere as we are bound by something tighter than love - Gorilla Glue (or duct tape). Yes, our intentions are pure but our ways are questionable at times. In no specific order, here are my top 3 roles that I take pride in as a Father:
1. Chief Destruction Engineer Supervisor -CDES- (and part time Clean-er Upper)
It is no secret that the house gets messy when you're wrangling kids. Multiply that by 3 (plus one oversized child) you have chaos on the brink of disaster. As CDES, I have the strict duty of managing the fine line between fun and destruction. I take great pride in my ability to have an incredibly fun time with my kids blowing up pirate ships with fairy dust created by a rift in the Lego Time-Space Continuum; However I take even greater pride in knowing when to seal that rift up and call a team huddle to clean before mom gets home to avoid the ultimate burning question in Marriage: " What DID you do all day?". Wives apparently don't understand that preventing a black hole from being created right here in the living room is important stuff and that, without our heroic efforts, there likely wouldn't have been a home to come home too. Someday, she might understand - until then I stand as lead CDES with pride.
2. Head of Aerial Engagement
Kids like to fly. They learn to walk, look up, and realize their bipedal efforts are in vain when they seen a bird effortlessly cruising the wind. As a Father, another of my main roles is to lead the charge in teaching my kids what flight feels like. This ends up in hours of counting down from 3 to a sudden forceful take off in which children fly far too high for their mothers comfort only to land, nestled safely back in the warmth of a cushion-y dad bod safe and sound. For maximum effect this act is repeated well over a hundred times in any given session. It always ends in tears because there is no good time to stop your high altitude pursuits and rarely do children understand the pain of repeated overhead throwing. It can also appear as training for take off in which, by holding hands, one spins at an incredible rate of speed to allow the child's feet to fly off the ground and rotate around like a helicopter until centrifugal force or nausea forces us to stop. (Pro Tip, go both ways, clockwise and counter-clockwise to avoid unnecessary symptoms).
3. Auditory Enhancement Specialist
A life without music is no life at all. As a Dad I understand this concept and embrace it. Whether it is dance sessions in the living room to Macklemore or love ballad blasting in the Dad-Van to Taylor Swift or Katy Perry, us Dads have the important role of making sure our children's musical appreciation is always at an 11. There is no time like the present to introduce the kids to Trampled by Turtles, Tom Petty, the Beatles of even Outkast. Yes, the Top 40 is important, but if the kids don't hear the classics sung off key, with likely erroneous lyrics, are they really even living? This is yet another critical role us Dads play in the life of our children. It's tough, but someone needs to do it and we rise to the occasion. In my mind there is no greater compliment or tearful pride-inducing statement than hearing your child say, "Dad, let's pump up some jams!".
So there you have it - the Top 3 most important Roles a Dad has- all in honor of Father's Day. I know there are lots more critical roles like this our there- I would love to hear what yours are in the comments below!
If you're celebrating, make it a good one! Cheers!