Bob Dylan once wrote "The Times They are a Changin..."
There is no better title to my life than that song right now. Life is changing. For the better. But painfully so. As I process this, I'm not 100% comfortable detailing all the ins and outs, but needless to say, I have a lot of self work to do. I have neglected this platform for a while. But as I find myself in a place of significant tumult, fear, and hope, I will bring this back up to date for you all to follow along. For reference, and a talking point that will weave in and out of the next predictable future, I failed to validate myself for me. I have spent years basing how I felt and who I was based off the opinions of others. And it is time to stop. As a result of this (at almost 37, I'm finally growing up) I have developed so many compensation mechanisms its hard to count. And it has finally caught up to me. And change it is coming. So if you're still sticking around and following this, would you mind letting me know in the comments or on social media? To be honst I'm scared to death to share my journey. But my hope is that someone out there is going through the same stuff and needs to hear it. Here is to the future!
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After slogging through summer, it is finally here- the Fall/Winter Beer Season. In my correct opinion, it is, in fact the most wonderful time for beer! The days get a little cooler, the beer gets a little darker, little more mysterious and likely aged in a barrel with black magic added in.
For me, nothing signifies this season more than Sierra Nevada's Celebration Fresh Hop IPA. It's like Christmas in a bottle- and signifies so much more. This goes back to c. 2008 when I was residing temporarily in Northern California. My roommate (and now good fried) Marc introduced me to this gem while I was there. Since then, every year this beer signifies the changing of the guard from summer to winter beers and the promise of a new season. It means Thanksgiving is upon us and Christmas will be here soon. It means family, friends, and good times. This year, this beer is classically hoppy, piney, and slightly spiced (as Sierra does well), but this year it is a little maltier than I remember from previous years. But, as it always goes to show time and time again, it tastes like Winter is finally here and good things are coming. Cheers everyone- what beer (or beverage of choice, alcoholic or non) signifies that winter is here for you?
Maybe it is the holiday season quickly approaching, or maybe it is because my birthday is coming up, but I find myself answering a lot of the, "What do you want for...?" questions from my loved ones. And sure, I give the stock answers such as underwear, socks, a 200 HP pressure washer, love, respect, and beer making supplies. But, those are simply the stock answers. They get that every time they ask me such a question- almost an unconscious, routine response. So, this year, I sat down and racked my brain to find out just what do I need for these holidays. And, the top 5 list below is what I have come up with that myself as a dude and a dad, could likely always need (and won't be on my stock response list):
Duct Tape https://amzn.to/2PTbJSY Paper https://amzn.to/2JZA705 https://amzn.to/2AX2JUL Velcro Tape https://amzn.to/2RKXJbi Reliable Phone Chargeer (anker power) https://amzn.to/2SZLby9 https://amzn.to/2AXO4so SLippers https://amzn.to/2AXotjp
A long, reliable phone cord. As a dad, I don't have time for a dead phone because the cord tip got eaten by my robot vacuum that my son is obsessed with and wont turn off. No, I have to catch magical moments such as my daughter pushing my son in his Cozy Coupe around the neighborhood or my other son running around the house in his skivvies singing a random song about why he has nipples on camera. I have to have something to keep me updated on the games score. Or get me A to B (because I could have found it without GPS but since I have it I'll use it). No, time waits for no dad when it comes to magic in the household. Always being prepared and charged is critical. In my perfect home, every outlet has one of these bad boys in it. It will no longer become "Where is my phone charger?" but rather "Where ISNT my phone charger?". If you want to get in on this type of security you can get it for iphone HERE or Android HERE. Plus, they're braided so that pesky robot vacuum can't eat them for breakfast.
I shouldn't even need to write something about this one - duct tape is universally needed. Like air, food and water, it is right up there with needs, not wants. Much like the time-space continuum, the amount of things you can do with this tape is almost incomprehensible. From building your own shoes to making a wallet to removing warts and saving astronauts, it is something every dad (hell anyone really) needs to have in his car, garage, briefcase, gym bag, fanny pack, or European carry-all. Get yourself this feat of the human condition HERE and start changing your life today.
Paper. A seriously underrated tool for the dad in all of us. Not just for note-taking anymore (although I frequently do) having these on hand in a variety of situations may just prevent a mutiny or uprising of the wee little ones. With this simple legal pad you can draw a character, write a story, make paper airplanes, masks, play tic tac toe, hangman, and much more. Stock up folks before they're gone because this, and you can mark my words, is THE CHRISTMAS GIFT of the year. Beat the rush and get yours HERE. Oh, and don't forget the Pens.
Now this is where it gets really, really good. Really good. So good I almost (and hell, may still) write a blog on this product alone. I accidentally stumbled upon this gem when in the garden section of the local home improvement store. THE GARDEN SECTION. Congrats on niche-ing down, but seriously, limiting it to the garden section is a sheer waste of opportunity. Let me say it. Velcro Tape. One more time: Velcro tape. It holds things together. AND IT IS REUSABLE! You can hold cords together (no more zip ties!), hold toys together, use glue them to a mask and actually have it fit your kids head without tearing or not fitting. I mean, the sky is seriously the limit with this. And it tried to limit itself to the garden section.... ha! You've been found out Velcro Tape, prepare to be a star!
You know I have to include this on the list. This is my shoewear of choice. But, not just some trashy indoor slipper, these beauties are all weather and reliable. You can wear them to the office and just as easily dress them down for a night in with the lady. Or, simply pop them on with shorts (and socks if you prefer) and rock them to the store, wowing everyone in the cereal aisle with your classy sense of style. I literally spend more time in slippers than I do in underwear. And, this particular pair, will last you a long time - mine are 3 years and running- perfect broken in, just like a good pair of jeans.
So there you have it - my not so expansive list of the top 5 things all Dads need in their life. I hope that you found it as eye opening and life changing as I have - enjoy! You're reading this. So, somehow, you survived being a kid and the dangers that haunt early childhood.
But how? It seems that even in this over-protected, helicopter parent type of world, kids still get hurt every day. For instance, my son, Jude: He finally did it, he finally fell off the bed. Somehow, no injuries or even scar to tell about it. I consider this a rite of passage in my house. Like growing your first armpit hair or shaving, or even losing your first tooth, you haven't passed my childhood test until you've fallen out of bed at least once. I can remember plunging off the top bunk into the abyss 4.5 feet below and coming out of it unscathed. I know my brother did this countless times. But that's what I'm talking about. How does one survive early childhood. I'm not even talking about the minefield that is school, high school, love, and beyond (that's another blog for sure). Surviving being a child (and in my current scene, a child with 2 other siblings to distract the parent) can be tough, but is it this toughness that defines us later in life? I can vividly remember the first time I was scared for my son's (Owen) life. I was putting away dishes, and him, being a helpful little toddler, was removing items as fast as I put them in. Sometimes helping Daddy isn't helping at all.... but that is neither here nor there. It is cute at its core, but really frustrating when on a timeline to get tasks done. Anyway, here I am putting dishes away and turn around - and my son is wielding a knife the size of him. I mean, it was huge. (as a disclaimer it likely wasn't as big as I remember, but as fish and knives go in stories, it gets bigger with time). So here I have this toddler, so innocent, attempting to duel me. It's awful how scared you get- , you can just yank it away, you or your kid might get cut, But you gotta get in close. You dig deep, go tactical, and get your best mission impossible on to get close enough to this somehow perfectly classically trained knife fighter (how kids learn knife skills is beyond me) and secure his knife hand enough to distract him with a rice krispy treat and encourage him to go the way of light. For Cora, it was on a walk. We had a wagon and Cora loved to ride in the wagon. So, later in the night as we are on out evening walk, pause to grab the mail and Cora attempts her first swan dive. Head first. There is the unmistakable sound of when a child's head hits the pavement. It sounds like a cabbage that someone heel stomped on the ground, a wet, squishy, and sickeningly softish sound that can only mean trauma. Cora, leaning out of the wagon went head first in the pavement and then her legs scorpioned over her head and she landed on her back. As a physical therapist I knew immediately that this was it, she had a brain injury, a spinal cord injury and she was a goner. She had a goose egg forming on her head so fast it was a baseball by the time we got back to the house. And then it happened. She smiled and stopped crying. Just like that. Took a damn header into the concrete and just rallied like nothing happened. Seriously? I'm having a heart attack and you're laughing?! Turns out kids are stupid flexible ( they are made of cartilage of course) and no spinal cord or head injuries were sustained (I did all my concussion testing). It shocks me how kids survive, but it impresses me too. It gives me confidence in all my erroneous parenting ways that my kids will be alright in the end. And that gives me hope. I just pray it is with all their arms and legs and toes and other digits. How have you challenged your child's survival skills?
"You're having another baby? Looks like you have to start all over again! You ready for that?"
Let's face it. I hear that one a lot. And at first, I didn't think much of it. Three kids, after all, will be even more of a circus than two. And, if you know my kids, we have quite a circus. But the more I heard it, the more it started me thinking (I know, a dangerous prospect). Having a third baby will certainly be a game changer. It will certainly be a new phase. But it isn't starting over. It's simply hitting the reset button. Much like on the computer, when you upgrade your software, drivers, hard drive etc, a nice little reboot is needed to freshen things up. This is our reboot. We didn't get a new computer, we simply upgraded the one we have. Now, just like any upgrade, we have to figure out where the new shortcuts are, which features have changed since out last upgrade, and which features have been eliminated altogether. But, in technology, isn't that the fun of it? In 4 days as of this writing (tick, tock), we will be upgrading our system. The nice thing? I already know most of the rules of the programs. The basic premise of the system hasn't changed (don't drop the baby, don't forget the baby, change the baby periodically). I went through bootcamp for this twice before and I wear my battle scars proudly (a gray hair or fifty). I know what to expect once baby is out and screaming and I know my wife will be a rockstar in making sure that the little fella never goes hungry. The new part comes when we are looking at how this added software plays nice with the other programs already running in our proverbial computer. These programs have been running for years flawlessly (ha, ok, that was a a bit of a stretch), and they are comfortable with the resources they have been consuming. Now, for the first time, they will have to allow resources to be taken from them to allow this new 'program' to run. As anyone who has even added a new program to a computer, we know that it can take some time to get these resource priorities squared away. This can often be frustrating and leave one impatiently striking harder and harder on the keyboard as if through some magical force the computer can sense urgency and force and fix the problems it is having through a keen understanding that the force you use on the keyboard is intimately tied to the need for things to work. To my knowledge this doesn't happen. However, if we roll with this computer analogy, the whole prioritizing process and available RAM and memory to make programs run needs to get figured out- programs just don't magically run smoothly and things don't automatically start working without issues (if they do for you, please call me I need your help). Equally so, in parenting, the process, available time and available energy needs to get figured out when a new baby comes along. The existing wee little ones need to find their new resource allocation and learn how to deal with that as do Mom and Dad. They need to learn how to not pound on the keyboard when things take a longer amount of time and rather, let the programs sort themselves out through patience and a hell of a lot of coffee (coffee is life). As an aside if we use the computer theme still, I don't think computers drink coffee. Yet. Anyone and Everyone who runs a family understands that from time to time, a reset is necessary to upgrade and change the way things are running (budgets, school, behavior, etc). This doesn't always include adding more software to the computer. And, right now, this is no different for us. Our scheduled upgrade however, is coming with a lot of new features that we get to explore and learn about. Frankly, I'm excited to do it. It's a reset. Not a start over. Have you ever hit the reset button? Tell me how below. I recently had the chance to take a once in a lifetime trip- to Colorado to teach my son to ski. It had to been one of the best experiences of my parenting history thus far. It was amazing to watch my son grow to love something I have loved for a long time. He took to it like a frog to a swamp. He wasn't afraid, in fact he was extremely excited! In the fact is that he is the fourth generation of my family to learn to ski at this a little hometown resort. It was perfect – late 80s brass everywhere and static TVs and extremely friendly people. And snow. Lots of snow. Not only did this tick a lot of the boxes on my parenting to do list with my son, it made me feel like a bad ass too. He was in shock and awe the entire time we were there. I mean, there was snow! Growing up in the desert doesn't really come with a great deal of snow. The chance to be able to play in snow, build a snowman, ride the sled and more was blowing his developing mind. I don't think you can find a better feeling than watching your son experience sheer joy. I can't wait to do this again. It has me wanting to live vicariously through my children even more now. Bring on the sports! This trip made me reflect on how lucky we are to share the joy of doing something that we love for the first time with our kids. To teach them, to encourage them, to watch them grow as little people every single day of our lives. No day should be taken for granted because every day is an opportunity to check some boxes off. Other boxes I want to check off: -Tent Camping multiple days. -Fishing Trips -Digging for worms -Cars -All day movie fests -Art -Sports -Road Trips -And lots more I Can't think of currently. ArchivesRough first post. But death is damn hard. Especially with some young kids. My wife and I just had to put down our beloved dog Chip. Chipford Beaumont McGee to be exact. A gentleman in his own right and nothing but full of love for anyone who would offer him some attention. I miss him so much. There is nothing like the hole in the home when that familiar nose and predictable nail-click on the floor is gone.
I still think I see him moving around and there is this weird up/down feeling I get. He will always be here, but damn- this wasn't how I saw this ending. Cancer got him. Lymphoma. With treatment we got 9 more months. In the last month his front paw went lame (nerve issue, likely due to cancer) and his breathing became shorter. Yesterday it was just too much. We took him in and gave him our last love. I've had animals die on me. But up until this point, I never had to be there at the moment of expiration. Yesterday was different. As the adult now, I sat there, cradling this poor animal who had given nothing but all of himself slowly slip away, his breathing slowing to a stop and then his heart fading. It was so peaceful. But it was so hard. We knew this was happening eventually, but when the time came down, letting go of your best little buddy who was there before your wife, your kids, and your profession is not easy. I felt guilty-like I gave him the cancer. Like I was the one at fault because he couldn't live forever. The hardest part? Walking away from a lifeless body on the floor- like giving up. How did my parents do this? Why did I have no expectations of how I would handle this. I know there was nothing I could do. But it doesn't change my feelings. And that doesn't even start to bring up the fact that I can't explain to the kiddos why Chip-Dog didn't come home with me. Or why my eyes were so red. This isn't over and seems like it will only get harder before it gets easier. When is the acceptance phase? |